Harleys, Cars, Girls & Guitars

Something Completely Different... Narco Corridos

Last time I was in Mexico, I sat in a bar for a while, drank margaritas and watched Mexican music videos on TV. What a shock! Mexican cowboys and cowgirls crooning over the delights of the life of a Sinaloa cartel gangster! Check out Larry Hernandez in “Pilotos Canabis.”

I was up until 2 a.m. last night watching narco corridos videos on YouTube. Just when you think that you'll never hear anything new and interesting again... well... you get hit upside the head. The music of the narco corridos is wild, happy and hilarious.

For a short history of the music, check out this site.

I love the oom-pah-pah bands, the accordians and the brass flourishes of the narco corridos. Not to mention the lower class wallowing in big cars, piles of drugs on the table, fighting with the cops and pretty girls who look like they're up for anything. The sheer energy of the narco corridos is unbelieveable.

Well, I've experienced that energy before.... in Cebu in the Philippines. There's nothing quite as thrilling as the spirit of the poor when they're hustling and fighting to make something of themselves. I remember walking down the streets of Cebu in the midst of that wild chaos of cars, jitneys, trucks, cheap Jap bikes and the occasional ox cart. Everybody hustling like crazy to make a few pesos.

The legendary kings of the narco corridos are Los Tigres Del Norte. Believe me, these guys are fucking monsters. Try “Los Tres Grandes Amigos.” Their accordian player is a damned genius. I don't even understand the words, and these guys blow me away.

If you're hungry for a new sound, try the narco corridos.

Don't Think I'll Retire in Belize

I'd heard rumblings that the Central American country of Belize is the new, cheap and fashionable retirement site for Americans. My one day port stop in Belize did not encourage me to pack up and move south.

If you want to get the official PR version of retirement life in Belize, go here. Maybe it's true. Or, if you like, check out the retirement "Villas at Cocoplum."  That's the luxury route. Want to go cheap?  This site claims you can retire in Belize for $450 month. 

The one cool thing about our stop in Belize was that the ship anchored about five miles offshore, then we were ferried into port. The picture above is a pretty accurate representation of this process. Once we arrived in port, my enthusiasm began to fade.

The water in the small bay was filthy. We pulled into the dock and got our pictures taken by the Carnival crew, and quickly discovered that the accessible area extended about four blocks long and one block deep. This area was walled off and heavily patrolled by security guards. Those guards tried to discourage any of the cruise passengers from exiting the walled off area. While the Karaoke Queen looked at jewelry, I walked around and tried to learn something about the place.

All around the walled off area, black guys were waving placards and shouting at the tourists, trying to lure them into escorted trips around the city.

An Australian couple who had walked through the security gates into the surrounding city stopped to talk with me. They were out of breath.

"We tried to walk around a little, but at the end of the block we saw heavily armed troops in armoured vehicles," they told me.

I needed to check my e-mail, so I left the walled off area to walk to a Radisson Hotel that had an internet cafe. Belize is an astonishingly poor country.  The locals were dirty and poorly clothed.  Buildings were rotting and crumbling into the ground.  Every few steps, I was hassled by somebody offering to sell me something or to simply escort me to my destination.

Belize is next door to Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador. These countries have experienced savage political violence for decades. Hundreds of thousands of people have been disappeared and executed. A rigid racial caste system rules, with blacks on the bottom, mestizos in the middle and whites and light skinned natives at the top.

The little walled off port had virtually nothing to offer. For the remainder of the cruise, passengers joked with one another about what a shit hole Belize had been. Every time I spoke with another passenger about Belize, he or she mentioned the threatening aura of violence in the port.

Hard to form an opinion about an entire country from such limited experience, but I wasn't sold on Belize as a retirement destination. It's cheap, but that's obviously because the country is so damned poor and desperate.

The Karaoke Queen and I have talked about retiring to the Philippines, or living part of the year there. Filipinos also often live in dire poverty, and political violence is endemic. But, if I lived there, I would live within the protective shell of the Queen's family. I could still move about in Cebu, without being imprisoned in a walled environment.

My little visit didn't encourage me to believe that this would be true in Belize. Looks like American retirees would have to live in total isolation from the locals, behind walls and protected by heavy security. Maybe I'm wrong. Don't know.

Check out the official U.S. State Department advisory about Belize and see if it helps.  The Belize Gringo is a weblog that discusses retirement in Belize.

World Toilet Crisis

When I was in the Philippines, I saw first-hand the shanty towns where poor people shit directly in the rivers and streams. My late wife, Myrna, grew up in this astonishing poverty. A commenter at Steve Sailer's site directed me to this video about sanitation in the third world.

The World Toilet Organization, headed by Jack Sims, is struggling to end the practice of open defecation, and to make it profitable to provide toilets and sanitation in the poorest communities on earth.

Hard to believe that 2.5 billion people do not have adequate sanitation. Tough to accept that one and a half million children die every year as a result of inadequate sanitation.

Watch the video. It's funny and information.

I Did It My Way.... BANG!

Loved this article in the New York Times. Seems that belting out the Sinatra classic in the Karaoke bar in Manila might be the last thing you ever do on this earth.

Filipinos are a hot blooded people. No doubt.

When I was in Cebu, we sang karaoke just about every night. One neighbor, who we never met, cranked up his machine to top volume and serenaded us from dawn to dusk. He sounded as though he was giving birth to a cow.

It's certainly true that every Filipino seems to consider himself to be a great singer.

Next trip, I want to venture into Manila. Myrna's home town! That town has to be a riot. Cebu, which is a small town in comparison, operated on a nearly hysterical level of energy.

I'll visit the karoake bar in Manila. But, I won't sing “My Way.”

Filipino Friends

My good friend, Flida, sent me some pictures of the flooding in Manila. Here’s one of them.

And, one of my internet friends, Ray Townsend, sent me a picture from his days playing in the NBA with the San Francisco Warriors. Ray is the only Filipino-American to play in the NBA.

Ray played back in the day (1979-1981) before the advent of digital photography. So, photos of his career are not easy to find. Filipinos love basketball. Someday, a great player will emerge from the Philippines.

Almost Locked Up Abroad

When I visited Cebu last year, the Karaoke Queen’s family kept a tight rein on me. They didn’t want me to go anywhere unless Paolo accompanied me. Paolo is a big strapping young man.

The reason? Kidnapping Americans is a thriving business in the Philippines. Cebu is close to Mindinao, the jungle island home of Abu Sayyaf, a Muslim terrorist group linked to Al-Queda. Some of the kidnappings are fundraising efforts for Abu Sayyaf, others are just freelance rackets.

I was reminded of this the other night when I watched the “Locked Up Abroad” series on The National Geographic Channel. An American guy, Greg Williams, down on his luck, had decided to join a missionary group in the Philippines. You should watch the show, because it was fascinating.

What made the show especially fascinating for me was this: Paolo and I took a drive over to the container port one day. I can’t remember why we did that, but I really enjoyed the trip. The port also served as the ferry terminal and as a shipyard for some rusty old merchant vessels.

The sailors looked like pirates. I was enjoying the exoticism of the place and the faint aroma of danger and intrigue. The guys working in the shipyard were obviously tough guys, and they looked me over good. I must have looked like an easy mark to them.

Williams was kidnapped in that very spot.

I tried to laugh off the Queen’s family’s concerns over my safety. I even took a trip to the mall by myself, and promptly got lost in the taxi on the way home. Williams was led into the kidnapper’s trap by… a cab driver!

I don’t have any money… at least by American standards. Try telling that to Abu Sayyaf.

Mail Order Bride Swept Out to Sea

This story is so tragic, and it had me laughing my ass off. Other people’s troubles… you know.

45 year old Scott Napper took his mail order Filipino girl friend, 22 year old Leafil Alforque, to Proposal Rock on the Oregon coast. He was about to ask her to marry him, when a rogue wave swept her out to sea. The body has not been recovered.

“She only weighed 93 pounds,” I told the Karaoke Queen. “He should have tied her off to a rock.”

Leafil had only been in the U.S. three days.

After Myrna’s death, I searched the mail order bride websites in an unsuccessful attempt to find her double. There never will be another Myrna. It took me a few years to accept that. I stared at every diminutive Asian woman I passed on the street in the hope that I would find Myrna in her, but it was not to be.

I did meet a bunch of very sweet Filipinas on the websites. We’d chat and look at each other through the webcams. They were all younger than 25.  They pleaded with me to send them the airfare for the trip to America.

It’s a crap shoot, bringing such a young woman over to the U.S. You don’t know what you’re getting until the day she arrives.

“He should take another trip to the Phils,” the Queen laughed, “and get another one.”

That’s a picture of Proposal Rock at the top of this post. I’ve been there… with Myrna. It is a profoundly beautiful, romantic spot.

Filipino Heritage Night and the Golden State Warriors

I’ve written a couple of posts about the Filipino love affair with basketball.

Tonight, the Golden State Warriors will host “Filipino Heritage Night.”

I know about this because Raymond Townsend commented on one of my posts:

My name is Raymond Townsend, as the first and only "Pinoy" to ever play in the NBA and the first and only Asian-American to ever be drafted in the NBA First Round, I am honored and grateful that my organization, the Golden State Warriors, on November 21st, 2008, will be hosting their first "Filipino Heritage Night" versus the Chicago Bulls.

To no surprise the Arena was sold out in thirty days. I will be involved as part of this historic event. Now, the Warriors are planning another Filipino heritage Night for late March or Early April. Little did the NBA know that Basketball is the unifying sport of our people. Hopefully, they will honor our people and our culture at all the venues throughout the NBA with special nights like this.

Thank you for acknowledging me and this accomplishment that has stood alone since the beginning of the National Basketball Association. I hope on day to see another young "Pinoy" reaching his dream of competing at the best level of basketball in the world, the NBA.”

Unfortunately, Mr. Townsend did not leave an e-mail address. He played his college ball at UCLA.  That’s an incredible basketball resume.

Raymond, please get in touch with me.

Shouting Thomas Butchers Pig… Not for the Squeamish

The Karaoke Queen’s nephew, Paolo, finally put up the video on YouTube. Shouting Thomas cuts the poor pig’s throat. Watch out! The pig screams and screams for mercy!

I couldn’t bear to watch it.

Basketball in the Philippines

Filipinos are passionate about basketball. Who woulda thunk it?

I don’t know how this happened. I would have assumed that they adopted baseball in the manner of Japan and Taiwan. After all, the Philippines housed U.S. troops for many decades. Filipinos are… well… generally rather short people. Basketball is a game for very tall people.

Yet, everywhere I went the kids were playing basketball… even in the shanty towns of Lapu-Lapu City. The courts were sometimes improvised in dusty lots. I took a picture of this goal in a town called, literally, “Crazy Town,” a small town about an hour’s drive south of Cebu. Filipinos have such an odd sense of humor. Crazy Town is not that far from a town named “Stinky Town.” When we drove through Stinky Town we discovered that it was aptly named for its general odor of fertilizer.

The Karaoke Queen’s nephew, Paolo, invited me to play in several games with his college friends. We played on an open air court covered with a steel roof. Even at night, the temperatures were in the 80s, so we sweated our asses off. The kids were remarkably friendly and generous in allowing an old fart to play with them. I had a lot of fun, although leg cramps often took me out of the action.

We discovered this basket near Moalboal, a beach resort. Right in the middle of the jungle, this goal sprouted up among the palm trees. It’s a beautiful piece of sculpture.

The Queen’s family laughed at me for wanting to take a picture of this strange wooden basket. Moalboal is a two hour drive south of Cebu. It is quite poor. People farm in the old fashioned way. The beaches, however, are stunningly beautiful. We enjoyed a picnic of fresh fish and pork grilled over charcoal while the kids played in the water. I especially enjoyed the BBQ’d squid, served in a sauce of its own ink.

When you get in close, the basket becomes even more beautiful.

I grew up on the Illinois-Indiana border. This is the epicenter of basketball glory. My mother grew up in Bloomington, home of Indiana University. Basketball is religion in Bloomington. In the small towns of Illinois and Indiana, you will find a basketball goal attached to just about every barn and garage. Sometimes, the goal is erected in the back yard. I was amazed to discover that this passion for roundball has spread to the Philippines. One day, a great Filipino player will make it to the NBA.