Harleys, Cars, Girls & Guitars

World Still Going to Hell... I'm OK!

"I am never sure whether I should lament the state of the world or be complacent about it. For on the one hand everything is going to the dogs and on the other I am a happy man." Theodore Dalrymple, writing in Taki Mag.

I still support Trump. My reasons have not changed. I did my civic duty and wrote up a long winded essay explaining why I support The Donald a while ago. Go read it if you're so inclined.

I volunteered to work in a presidential campaign once... the Gene McCarthy Kids' Crusade in 1968. Anti-Vietnam war candidate.

Nobody seems to notice that Trump is, relatively speaking, the anti-war candidate in this election. Yeah, I know... how in the hell can you tell what a candidate is really going to do once he assumes office?

Trump has suggested that we might pull back from policing the world and invading other countries to focus mostly on self-defense. I'm down with that. Hillary, on the other hand, has already knocked over a couple of foreign nations... the Ukraine and Libya.

I'm still trying to stay out of the fray. My life will continue to be fine, no matter who wins or loses. I think. Each side keeps trying to tell me the End is Near if their loathed opponent wins.

I'm an internet idiot like anybody else. Catch me on a day when I'm tired, or tired of being lonely, and I'll tear some Hillary supporter a new asshole and fight and bitch for hours. I regret it later, but what can I do? I am but a sinner.

Life is too good for me to get caught up in the histrionics.

I'm just a retired Mr. Mom Grandpa. I never wanted to run the world. Shit, I never even wanted to be a manager in an office. On a few occasions, I somehow found myself fulfilling that function. Be damned if I know how or why that happened. I failed as miserably as I could and got out as fast as I could.

Life is pretty damned good. Getting ready to move into my Mr. Mom Grandpa in-law apartment. Cleaning up the house and getting it ready to go on the market. Health returning to normal.

Friggin' Cubs are going crazy this year.

Who could ask for more?

Women... the Dark Side

Female children tend to suffer from being over praised and over loved. How can a daddy or grandpa help but be smitten? I've raised girls and boys. Toddler girls are so huggable, so determined to please. Toddler boys suffer from what I call the "squiggly wigglies." Try to hold and comfort them and they'll use you as a trampoline.

What daddy does not adore his little girl? She wants to dress up like a princess. Mommy buys her princess outfits and tutus. Kisses and hugs all around.

When the little princess turns 3, everything changes. Once a little huggy doll, the girl begins to refuse to accept all that affection. She often becomes pretty pissy about it.

"You hug me too much!" she'll say when daddy tries to give her a goodbye kiss. "Leave me alone!" And daddy can see that she's studying him to gauge the effectiveness of her rejection of his affections.

What happened?

She's demanding recognition of her dark side.

We all have our dark side. We are all sinners. In our intimate relationships, we want both sides to be recognized and embraced. If only one side is encouraged and recognized, and that's usually the light side, that dark side will become a monster fighting for attention.

This pattern gets replayed throughout a woman's life, particularly if she's pretty. Men project all sorts of compassionate virtues onto a physically attractive woman. I was no different when I was a young man. Took a long time to recognize that a pretty woman with those doe eyes and fluttering eyelids might be a vicious, holy terror.

We become contemptuous of anything that we obtain too easily. Men are too damned easy to manipulate. Piece of cake for a young woman who's a piece of ass.

Feminism has amped up this dilemma. We've spent the past 50 years literally elevating women to sainthood, blaming men for everything and weeping over the slightest scratch life might inflict on our little princesses. 

And, at the same time, we've told those little princesses that they suffer from systematic "oppression" and that they are being cheated and abused.

The dark side won't be denied. 

The wave of correction has already begun, and I expect it to accelerate. 

When I talk politics with women, who are almost always hyper liberal, on the web, I find that the first thing I have to do is abuse them of the notion that I will kneel before them in acknowledgement of their compassionate virtue. I have to tell them that they might be rotten, no good brats. That their motives might be mean and vicious and self-interested.

If the woman in question is really mired deep in the myth of female moral supremacy, I might even have to tell her that she's "just a rotten cunt."

You'd think that this would drive said woman away. It never does. She'll spend hours bitching and arguing and hurling every epithet at me that she can imagine. But, she won't simply detach and go away.

Why?

Because she's relieved that a man finally recognized that dark side in her. She has been fed up for years with the unearned praise that men have heaped upon her. She wants to finally be seen for what she is.

What's the moral?

I think we're about to see women's dark side emerging as a sinister monster in our national political and intellectual life. How that will manifest itself, I do not know.

Everybody Liked the Meatballs!

That's what I told my girlfriend this morning. Over the weekend, she taught me her meatballs with tomato sauce recipe. I'm learning to cook some basic dishes that my grandkids will eat.

My last act in life is playing Mr. Mom to my three grandkids. Not complaining. They're a lot of fun. They're also full of a lot of hugs. My toddler granddaughter is three. The twins are one. Boy and girl.

My girlfriend is giving me Mr. Mom lessons. Tips on housekeeping. Good snacks for the grandkids. That kind of stuff.

Took a drive-by of my new home over the weekend, too. Lots of land... almost 7 acres on top a mountain. I'll put in a vegetable garden and also do some landscape gardening. The house could be quite a showplace.

I remind myself frequently that I don't need to clinch my jaw any more. Hadn't realized that I had been doing that. In the early days of my retirement, I noticed that I was clinching my jaw.

"You don't have to do that anymore," I told myself.

My life was a wild adventure played out mostly in Chicago, San Francisco and New York City. I was on edge all the time. No matter what I did, I had to do it the most difficult way possible. Especially with women.

So, I was always fighting with the world and struggling to hold myself together. And, always clinching my jaw.

That is not an easy habit to stop. I'm consciously trying, but the habit keeps popping up.

Everything has changed. I no longer need to fight anything. No longer have to look over my shoulder. No longer even have to worry about money. (I'm fixed for life at the level of a college student with a decent part time job.) 

Once I sell my house, I won't even have any bills. No car or house payment. I'll pay into the general house fund with my daughter and son-in-law. Pay for my own cable and internet. 

When I get drawn into a political fight on Facebook or some weblog, I remind myself at some point that political controversy has become irrelevant to me. Hell, I'll be lucky just to live through the next presidency.

I'm focused on the grandkids. They're fascinating people already. I am privileged to spend a lot of time with them. I'm involved in their most formative years. Cooking and cleaning for them, and taking care of a yard so that they are free to play without worry... these are the things that concern me now.

My girlfriend is a very happy Filipino. That's the first thing that people notice about her. The reason for her happiness is obvious... she lives solely to serve other people. She's as deeply Christian as a woman can be. She's a fantastic cook and homemaker. She loves to do the things that so many other people consider chores.

The kids did like the meatballs. The twins dug in, mostly into the hamburger. They tried a few slurps of sauce from a spoon. My toddler girl haggled over dessert before she finally gave in and ate meatballs, sauce and pasta.

Picnic in Grandpa's Back Yard

All three grandkids stopped by yesterday, a grand, hot summer day. I'm on grandpa vacation while my teacher daughter is off for the summer. No daily babysitting. So, I hadn't seen the kids in a few days.

That's a pic of the Peppa Pigs... my three year old girl's current YouTube favorite. The Peppa's are quite droll! Here they are, packing up, most likely to visit their grandparents.

I'm now the lonely old grandpa, waiting impatiently for the kids to stop by. I rushed home from Mass to put on the hamburgers and hot dogs. I finished most of the prep work before I attended church. Like my dad, I stood in the door and watched for my daughter and my grandchildren when they showed up late.

My one year old twins are moving out of the nursery into the big world outside. But, they are moving out slowly. They cautiously checked out the grass in my back yard. My three year old granddaughter will be ready for school soon. But, she still needs lots of mom and grandpa hugs to have the courage to navigate the world.

They'll need grandpa to nanny them for another four years. Then, everybody will be in school full time. Lately, it's occurred to me that I have to start planning for life after they all go off to school. Will I work again? 

By the time the kids are all off to school full time, I'll be 70 and I'll have been retired for 8 years. Is it possible to return to work in light of that?

I thought that the picnic in the backyard would be kinda rowdy, but it was too hot and the kids hadn't seen grandpa for a while. So, my daughter and I spent most of the day holding the kids and reassuring them. Which is OK by me. Grandpa got his hugs.

The toddler asked if I would teach her to play piano! How can I do that and make it fun for her so that she continues to play? 

For now, I'm deep in grandpa-ing. Next fall, the toddler will go to half day pre-school. She really needs the socializing with other kids, and the twins need to be able to do things on their own, without their sister lording it over them. I'll have all three grandkids half the day, and only the twins for half the day.

For the past three years, I've been enclosed in the nursery with the grandkids. A very quiet, slow and satisfying life.

The next four years will be their transition to school and social life. And, somewhere along that road, they'll need grandpa less.

And, what, then, will grandpa do?

Grandpa Summer Vacation! Whee!

Grandpa Howling' Steve will have 10 weeks off from daily babysitting of the grandkids starting next week! Yay! While I love my little Munchkins and enjoy my time with them, I need to recharge. (My daughter is a school teacher, so she gets the summer off.) What will I do?

I'll be taking a week long road trip to Chicago with a stop in Detroit. In Detroit, I'll be meeting a Facebook friend for a trip to Comerica Park and a Tiger baseball game. In Illinois, I'll be visiting my soon to be 90 year old mom and taking in a Cubs baseball game at Wrigley.

I considered continuing out to Colorado so that I could buy some 420 from a retail store, but that's a long way to go for a 1/2 ounce of pot. A lot of wear and tear on my 2011 Ford Ranger pickup, too!

The grandkids will still be very much in my life. My 3 year old girl has made it clear that she wants picnics in the backyard with chocolate ice cream. That's fine with me! My back yard is a great place for my one year old twins to play, too. You couldn't find a quieter, safer place. No traffic noise. Only the birdies and the deer.

And, I have no doubt I'll be called on for spot babysitting.

Unfortunately, I have another surgery scheduled for this summer. What can you do? I'm old, as my toddler Munchkin so often tells me. My body is starting to break down. The surgery will hospitalize me for a couple of days, then I face a month long recovery.

I'm still recovering from two surgeries over a month ago. Yesterday, I did a full set of yoga for the first time since those surgeries. I was afraid to go all in. Now that I have, everything feels better and my outlook has improved.

The picture above is from Uncle Grandpa, one of my favorite kids' TV shows. The grandkids do not appreciate the sublime humor of this show. They prefer The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Princess Sofia and P J Masks. I do love Minnie and Mickey, but a summer off from the endless reruns will do me some good.

Most of my great Grandpa Summer Vacation will be spent at home, doing what my dad called "puttering around." Bicycle riding, softball in the backyard, tending to my yoga regimen, playing, writing and recording music, and sketching and painting. My house needs some minor repairs that I can manage, too.

My time with the grandkids is already running out! I've been babysitting them almost full time during the school year for three years. Next year, it's off to pre-school for my toddler girl, so I'll only see her half days. In two more years, my baby twins will also head off to pre-school. Within four years, all the kids will be in school full time and grandpa will have to find something new to do with his life.

Spring Cleaning

Took a walk yesterday with my 3 year old granddaughter. We were startled by the wild honking of a flock of geese flying by. 

"What is that?" she asked me.

I get to explain all of the simplest things about this world to my granddaughter. Same will happen with the twins in another year. The world is completely new and magical to a child.

I'll get my bicycle into the shop for a tuneup tomorrow. As soon as the temperatures average 60 degrees, I'll start doing my 15 to  20 mile daily routine. I'm fat and slow from a winter of sitting inside, especially with the kids. Infants are by definition housebound. They'll be a year old and walking within a couple of months and we'll be outside playing.

Looking for an adult softball league so that I can play in games. I'll start preparing by throwing into my rebound net in the back yard and hitting off the tee into the net.

And baseball season is only 2-1/2 weeks away! I've already renewed my subscription to MLB.tv, so I'll get the first game of the season for the Cubs at the Angels on April 3rd.

I'll be visiting that odd woman 15 miles away who is both an RN and a subsistence farmer soon. She raises chickens, goats, horses, pigs, cows and ducks. Composted manure is free and potent. I'll work it into my garden in preparation for the yearly planting. I'll have herbs and lettuce by the first of June.

I'm going to be spending as much time as possible outdoors, getting my house and my motorcycle ready for sale. No hurry in either case. I'll wait until I get close to my asking price for both. I'm fixed for life at a pretty modest economic scale, so I don't have to be panicky about anything.

Everything old is new again. It's spring. I don't know how many springs I have left. At this stage of the game, every spring could be my last. So, I'm just enjoying life and my grandchildren.

Toddler Style Landscape

My toddler granddaughter (almost 3!) loves all kinds of painting... finger painting, water color, felt tip pen on whiteboard, etc. She always asks me to paint with her, so we sit at the table and she tries to imitate my work. Today, I decided to draw a sort of compilation landscape of the objects we most commonly draw.

We're not just painting. She's learning about shapes, like straight lines, rectangles, triangles and circles, and about spatial relationships.

Being grandpa, playing with the kids and teaching them stuff is what life is all about right now. The twin babies are already 9 months old, crawling and soon will be walking. 

Spring is arriving early in the Catskills. We'll all be outside playing soon.

Testosterone is a Gas!

I'm involved in raising a boy for the first time. My 9 month old grandson is all boy, as the old saying goes. He's always ready for action, always on the go and ready to rumble. Boys, it appears, really are different than girls.

The boy is a hell of a lot of fun, but he can also exhaust me. I have to chase him constantly lest he hurt himself. He stands up by supporting himself with whatever object is in front of him. This often leads to nasty falls when he gets himself into a corner and can't figure out how to sit back down. Result... head bonk on the floor.

That doesn't stop him. He cries for a couple of minutes, gets up and charges off to the next adventure.

This behavior is so different from that of the girls I've raised. They are much more sedate, content to sit in one place to play and once they hurt themselves they immediately stop the behavior that caused the hurt.

Even changing my grandson's diaper is an altogether different business. He can't hold still long enough to get the job done. I've learned to place all the necessary items out of his reach or he'll suddenly twist around and grab something... most likely a shitty diaper and have his hands in the crap before I can respond. Until I began to demand through verbal commands and gestures that I wanted him to be still, I had to wrestle with him to get his clothing off and to get the diaper in place.

So, I've discovered that I have to approach my relationship with my grandson differently than I do with my granddaughters. I must correct him much more frequently lest he hurt himself. He simply tries a whole lot of shit that my granddaughters would never think of trying.

A male child, I've discovered, needs more discipline.

Sometimes, the boy's adventuring and exploring and plain exuberance wears me out and I stick him in the jumper to give myself and my granddaughters a rest. He's constantly forcing his way into their games and play activities and they respond, often, by giving him a good whack. I have three sisters. This experience with my grandson is leading me to understand why they ganged up on me and tried to get me to quit charging into their games when we were kids.

The need to discipline him makes me sad, but I don't see any other way to do the job.

Testosterone makes one hell of a difference! My grandson charged out of the womb and hasn't stopped squirming, running and exploring since. I'm looking forward to teaching him how to channel all that energy into constructive endeavors, like sports. 

That was my father's approach. Keep the male kid busy playing sports and that will keep him out of trouble. A wise course of action that I think I'll follow.

Mr. Mom Grandpa

My son-in-law took a new job that requires him to work days during his training. He had been working the second shift and I covered afternoons babysitting my grandkids. During training, I'm babysitting full time and it's both difficult and incredibly enjoyable. My grandkids have saved me from being an angry, decrepit old coot, like the one below. (By the way, there is an Old Coot website!)

Most of the day I spend on the floor playing with my 2 year 9 month old granddaughter (the "toddler") and my twin 9 month old grandson and granddaughter. They jump on me, crawl over me, cuddle with me... it's a day of constant physical contact. One or another is always crying from the latest bump or bruise.

Each of the kids' personalities is so different. My toddler is so outgoing and confident. I've been very close to her since she was born. The boy twin is a tank. He's already so strong. He's also good natured and mischievous. He's checking everything out, whether you like it or not. The girl twin is quite reserved and she waits out every situation to see what's developing before she decides to jump in and play.

The toddler needs activities and some structure to her day now. We've begun watercolor painting, which she loves. She insists that Grandpa paint with her, so I'm producing masterpieces like the one below. I, of course, disavow any similarity to her real Mommy.

I've re-ordered my sleep patterns to match the kid's nap times. So, I seldom get a full night's sleep. I have to build two 1-1/2 hour naps with the kids into my day so that I don't disturb them while they sleep. I'm up at 3 a.m. so that I'll be ready for a nap at 10:30.

I need all the energy I can muster once the kids wake up. It's a constant cycle of nap, diaper changes, feeding, play period and repeat. They play hard for the two hours they are awake between naps and they want Grandpa's attention. I'm happy to give it to them.

The emotional ups and downs are incredible. Especially for the toddler, learning to control her emotions and learning to take responsibility for her own time takes practice and guidance. She's also trying to adjust to not having Grandpa's full attention. It's tough having to share with the twins.

I'm happy. It still tough being a widower. What can you do? I grieved for many years. Losing Myrna was so bitter. I had hoped that we would be spending these final years together, but God had a different plan. Yes, I cursed the darkness. 

I'm grateful for this final period of happiness and love in my life. I hope that it lasts for a long time.

In Case of Attack...

I wasn't that far from the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center. If the second plane hadn't smashed into the south tower, its flight path would have led it straight into my office. I don't have any doubt that the Jihadis will return for an even more devastating attack... this time probably a dirty bomb detonation in the financial district of Manhattan.

The casualties from the next attack are likely to number in the tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of refugees will flee the city to escape the radioactive debris. They will flee north into the Hudson Valley and west into Pennsylvania.

I live 100 miles away from what would most likely be the epicenter of the next attack, so I won't experience the direct affects. My home is so isolated in the mountains that refugees will probably not reach it. Not so for my kids and grandkids who live down in the valley. I've often wondered whether I should encourage them to move as far away from New York City as possible. I want them to live.

I'm not going to reconfigure my life in anticipation of such an attack. I'm an old man with only 10 to 15 years to live. 

My kids and grandkids will have to make up their own minds.