I've had to adjust to and accept being alone in my old age. Sure, I have plenty of family. But, that passionate sexual attachment died with Myrna and it's not coming back. I don't even know if I want it again, or whether it is possible. In your mid 60s, the breakdown of the body is accelerating and the end is in sight.
I don't mean this to be a lament. It's not so bad. There are plenty of good things about being old and alone. I'm worn out with the struggle and conflict of relationship. Quiet and peace are wonderful.
I'm blessed with plenty of family. Babysitting the grandkids is a blessing and a joy.
But, I'm going to be alone the rest of my life. I will probably spend my last days in institutional care. This was not the plan.
I've lived in quiet and isolation in the woods above Woodstock for two and a half years. The realization that this will be where I live until I am no longer able to manage my own affairs has slowly settled in. You've got to grow old and die somewhere.
I've attempted to establish new relationships with women, but... well... it's not happening. Probably won't happen. The practical issues are overwhelming and neither I nor my possible mates are young enough, passionate enough or stupid enough to overlook those issues.
Getting involved seriously with a woman now means taking the risk of nursing her through her demise. There is not enough time left to justify that commitment. Mingling finances makes no sense at all and threatens relationships with children. With the body in decline, sexual passion is much more difficult to maintain.
There is no choice but to make the best of what I have. I have time and I'm minimally financially secure. I practice my art, cultivate my garden and contemplate the past. Today is all I have.
I wish that this had not been my fate, but we all have ways in which things didn't turn out as planned.
Another beautiful day ahead of me to do as I please. I'll get outside as much as possible. The birds are singing outside my window as the sun rises.
I have no complaints. Life has been good.